I lost 1.4 lbs last week!

Nothing is sweeter than the taste of success.

Mark my words, I'm on a roll here. That makes 1.6 pounds total.  More later. All I can say is that it was the best feeling in the world.  Another hope filled Weight Watchers Meeting. I made a new friend, who may turn into a hiking buddy, I lost weight, I feel good, I feel aware of what I'm eating!  This is great! (Imagine me jumping up and down on the ground.)

Now, I need to get my script done!  I am running out of money, and selling/financing my script is the only way I can move forward with this whole project.  The problem is, I'm afraid to use my voice.  I'm afraid of what you'll think of me.  I am going to a Voice Awareness Coach tomorrow who, hopefully will help me unlock my fear of using my own voice.  Strange, huh? I am so acutely aware right now in this moment of how terrified I am of really using my own voice. Voice is linked to power. And I am cut off from my power.  Well, the time has come for me to use my power.  It is time for me to make it happen. Walk the talk- in the arena of my career. I need to commit to a script.

I have spent the last 2 years- no- I don't even remember when this started!  But as long as I can remember, I've wanted to please someone outside of myself.  I spend my time placating others opinions, but never my own. Always too scared to look inside. What does Neelam think?  Nobody knows, because she's too busy covering herself with other peoples, (other experts'), opinions.  What about my opinion? Aren't I the expert on my own artwork?  Yes. But am I willing to risk it? Am I willing to take the risk to show the world who I am and potentially make a fool of myself? I am deathly afraid- and very aware in this moment of how much that fear is a part of me. It sits like a not in my chest. And I can hardly take a full breath.

I noticed this morning that I mostly only breath into my chest. I realized that that wasn't normal.  No, it's not normal to have to labor to breath into your stomach. To feel a knot of burning in your chest and solar plexus.  Do you feel that? Maybe you're cut off from your power too?!

Well, I am about to reclaim it. I don't know how, but I do know that awareness is the beginning of the end. Having awareness of ones' patterns- in my case, I am acutely, extremely, so aware of it right now- like I'm soaking in a vat of dirty fry oil- that kind of awareness...   I just hope and pray that I will overcome this fear and be able to use my own voice.  (Haaaaa. Exhale.)